The Rain in Spain is mainly in Portland.....

Nah.
It's not that bad.
In fact, yesterday was the first real day and night rain experience. The first few days were crisp and sunny....not hot-Tucson-sunny-that-makes-you-weep-inwardly-in-pain..TMI?)but NICE sunny. Gentle warm beams in an otherwise fall-ish air-edge factor.

And, another thing we realized (duh). We are city people. It's in our DNA. This place has other humans. We can hear them sometimes. And yes, it will take a little getting used to, but as Ben put it more than once, "And WHERE are you NOT living right now?"
and I snap out of it.

But there are communities. With personalities. And history. And uncommon acceptance.

A feeling never ever felt elsewhere.

Good feeling. Happy feeling.

Better life.

Baby steps. We're here. We're all healing. We're for each other.

Made It

Dear Reader,

The long road has finally taken us to mecca, in the form of PORTLAND! The trip was a long, meditative journey of reconstitution and new hope. We are still unpacking and unpacking and...you get the idea.

And as Ben calls our new abode, "a great headquarters for a year." He's right. It's roomy, two floors and called a townhouse or duplex. So, while it's not a separate home, it is not a ticky-tacky type monotonous "institutional-looking" unit. Surrounded not by dust and big-box stores, not to mention horrible unmentionable crawly things.

Having said that, (Curb fans out there?), this is a funky homestead with off-beat homes and buildings of assorted eclecticism .... a tonic to my miasma. No longer dehydrated and bereft, my brain is regenerating as I hear sounds of humanity all around. Children playing, friendly neighbors being neighborly, walkable streets filled with the sweet crisp fall air.

No rain, just sun and cool, cool jacket weather. No cactus, no coyotes eating bunnies, all is unfolding as it should. L'chaim everyone!!!!!!

'Twas the Night Before the Last Day....

And so it goes.

One last night sleeping with the critters sparkling and howling, toothsome beyond our bedroom windows. Or fluorescent on the walls. If you dare to take a flashlight to it, prepare for the willies.

Sparkling since these parts are known for all sorts of nocturnal nasties that prey on the weak and scare the crap out of the meek among us. Don't even mention the 8-legged, furry things. Please. (Meek, meaning me.)


The howling of coyote packs braying within arm-reach has never lulled me into wonderland. Rather, it has two years woven into the fabric of dreams-turned-into-nightmares. Blood-thirsty and celebratory predators. Too close. Too close.

You want vampire thrills? Sleep with the windows open (or closed) smack against the Catalina State Park one night. And prepare to hear the unworldly screaming of the night throbbers and bounders. The barbershop quartet of nature's wild dogs, set upon an innocent stray bunny or maybe even a neighbor's dog. Not a pretty sound. Vincent Price soundtracks thrive out here in the dust and cactus pricks.

The unholy celebration of the prey snatched and devoured, shared with the pack. Covering ears does no good, the sound seeps into the bloodstream, pulsing with each heartbeat. Screams of the innocent drown out by the feasters, grow faint with the transcendent night skies, stars applauding with their wordless blinks.

Will I miss this desolate place? I am grateful for the time spent, the lessons learned, the humility gained. I am forever grateful for the ego's deflation and the spirit tested along with the physical challenges. It will never be forgotten. Nor re-lived except in unfortunate dreamscapes.

It has been a road taken and one to bid adieu.

Onward to the next corner. Life is wonderful and excitement beckons.

(I love salmon.)

November Days... Friday the 13th..5 Days More

The weird part of this whole experience (at least one weird part) is the fact that in the calendar notebook my entry is in (Bylines), happens to be visible next week. November 15-21.

This is that calendar thingy written by an assortment of writers who submitted essays on their writing inspiration. I decided to make fun of the whole precept and cited watching Judge Judy as the secret behind my inspiration to write. Oh sure. I just so happened to be watching the show when Geri told me about it. Light-bulb! A story was made up. It was the one funny entry in a sea of benevolent, earnest female longings to be known in a literary world. Whatever.

Is that merely synchronicity or coincidence or some spirit-guided meme out of the woo-woo New Age stuff I've been dabbling in? It's this calendar book my friend Geri suggested I submit to and so I did. Geri had an entry too, and her life has undergone some drastic changes these past couple of years as well as mine.

But because of her suggestion, I wrote an essay about why I love watching Judge Judy and how she inspires me to write. Of course I mostly embellished, which is the beauty of fictionalized reality.

And it turns up on the very week we are making the Great Escape. I like the Karma idea. I'm going with that. It has all raced forward lightning quick, from the first week when we got the offer, to the now of boxes collecting in each room.

And so I've packed a couple of baker's dozens worth of boxes, most of the kitchen stuff (even pots and pans, a little prematurely, it turned out) and accidentally packed loyal husband's shaving gel and rubber tip tooth thingy. Whoops. But I asked if it would be okay to pack bathroom stuff. How am I supposed to know what's in play and what's on deck?

Of course, I'm far from perfect but I can still press my own stupid button and get a negative reaction even when I don't mean to. It's just the mouth sometimes spills stuff before the brain edits language. And sometimes I just want to be honest. Can't always do so. Risk of pissing someone off is too great to risk.

So as obscure as this may seem, the excitement is growing, the confidence is glowing and the socialization meme is coming back.

I remember!

I remember!

And in time, this whole experience will reveal as past, for past is prologue after all. And maybe only then will I be able to wrestle and come to terms with an unfathomable incident that came to pass this same week.

Countdown Begins

So this is the home stretch.

"Home" referring to what we carry within, for we have been residence-challenged since making the great SW sojourn.

Finally admitting to self this place never "had a good smell" as a recently passed friend used to say. He was right. Our hearts have never been in this barren moon-state. No matter, this too shall pass.

There's a lot to the smell test, even if not literally. But in this case, literal is true, too. The smell of coyote piss, skunk spray, dust-bowl pathogens swirling in our faces....will not be missed..

And the spiritual side (not woo-woo granola) is sorely lacking here too. There's a reason roots are shallow here...no life-supporting moisture or sustenance. And we are well aware of the opposite-ness of climate to which we are heading. Fine by us. Rain trumps Death Valley heat any time.


I can smell the roses already.

And So On

No scowling today....just a bright perspective on new challenges, hopes, dreams aspirations and positive thinking. Not to go all hippie-dippie but what else is there but choosing peace, good health, happiness and an embrace of wholeness after the void...

Finding a center that will hold is what it's all about, and we have been off-center for a coupla years. That soon will be history as future goals flicker like lighters at a Bono concert.

And to all a good day sir!

We Can Do It!

So says the pillow on my bed and the dish towel. You know the slogan, with the female WWII worker, with uplifting spirit.

And now we know we can get out of the real Dodge (metaphorically) at last. And we thought New York was 'Dodge'--ha ha. So we have learned much on this 2-year hiatus from civilization and meaningful connections. We learned we hate living in the desert and are at peace with our decision to vacate. AND grateful the house was sold so fast. And we don't have to encounter any more gun-carrying conservatives.....not that there's anything wrong with that (in case one of them reads this). We're just not that into guns and cowboys.

We want greenery and non-dried out nasal passages. Amen!

Now we are awaiting "a-ok" on the rental we seek and then the other stuff will fall into place. What a ride, a crazy, jaunty (not so jolly) experience in this very uh, strange land. A place of extraordinary beauty and natural wonders that are being eviscerated by excavation, endless big-box ugly stores and malls and endless ticky-tacky housing developments.

McMansions (SW style) all over, encroaching on wildlife habitats everywhere! I mean, where we live used to be just wildlife and natural plant growth, and now the land is just being raped for money. Of which no one seems to have. Except for the snowbirds and retirees. But we are grateful to have had this opportunity to discover what works and what doesn't. Climate-wise, this was probably worse for my health than NY, so no way to justify staying.........and academia is....collegiate.

Just being in the same area as our kids will be so amazing and healing for us all. And that's no scowl, just gratitude for the attitude.