Hitting the Wall Back

You know those days--sometimes you hit the wall, sometimes the wall hits you.

And when that wall is nothing but a sheer veil of self-criticism, how do you cope if you don't drink? (Humor.)

You write on the wall imaginary new age-y affirmations about not-taking yourself-so-seriously. So I'm reading this Stuart Smiley stuff, opening my being to the now and charting yet another new course of action that will challenge, reassure and unite us with our tree-house people.

Is it wacky? Not really. If you don't try something, how do you know what to expect?
We are the dreamers and we dream different environments until we find home.

I know home is always within you, (I ready those books, too) but if you feel out of synch with where you sleep and live, that is not a life.

And this experiment has now officially crossed the solitude line into isolation.
Inside joke.

We've realized life is too short to be miserable. And not to focus on finances because, waddya gonna do?

My teacher is the wisest guru of all time. I am so lucky and grateful to have him.

And if these past two years taught us anything, it taught us that we are social creatures and need companionship with those with shared ideologies, and HAVE to live in a blue state with logical and socially considerate laws. And be somewhere there's more than a scintilla of like-minded humans.

And no rattlesnakes. Don't even ask me about the skunk.

The mountains are beautiful, the stars endlessly fabulous, the wildness humbling and the vistas overwhelming. We get it!

And now we want to move on.

So if nothing else, realize that lives spin on a whim and a look-see and we must rally the strength to explore new worlds.

That was supposed to be my funny blog.

Next one will be HIGHlarious.

The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow....

Of course the sun will come out, this is Tucson--land of the scorching sun.

But I jest, sort of, because (fingers crossed) we are sending universal vibrational energy waves (wink, wink) to help guide us in a new direction.

Lest I decline to add deets, you'll just have to keep tuning in to this wonderful saga of two wandering Jews in the desert.

Tucson is beautiful.....to many people. With its majestic mountains, gorgeous cacti in all sorts of odd poses and animals running wild. In our backyard, which abuts a (still) undeveloped wash, the views are spectacular. A wash is kind of like a superhighway to all creatures great and not-so-great.

Like these pig-like things called Javelinas (pronounce "J" as "H" and you will be considered real smart), cute little wild bunnies, not cute rattlesnakes, tarantulas (ewwww), scorpions (triple ewwwwww), coyotes that love dining on small bunnies in the middle of the night and oh yes, our last encounter with Pepe Le Pew.

To clarify, Maggie (our pound rescue puppy now in her teens) decided to hightail it after a skunk that managed to get into our "yard o' rocks" the other night. Yup, she got a face-full of that delicious stench, "au de skunk" and we spent the night fumigating her and dousing her with lavender essential oil. Did it help? Maybe a little.

She did the same thing last year, too, my husband reminded me. Since I choose not to remember awful things, of course I didn't remember it at first. I know what you're thinking--early Alzheimer's.....but that's just...what was I talking about?

But the temperature is no longer 100 (hooray!) and we have renewed faith and confidence our next step is getting close...

Tune in..

BTW, so sad about Soupy Sales. We had lunch together everyday for a long time. Well, he was on tv having his, of course. Still, next time you see a full moon, think of it as the last pie Soupy got in the face......

Another Day Straddling Bi-Polarism

Not Britney Spears-bi-polar.

But the feeling I am alternating between universes somehow. Not in a woo-woo hippie way (not that there's anything wrong with that) but in a "how long must this go on?" kinda way.

We have decided that enough is enough and we don't want to take it anymore. Unless you're a fan of incessant, blindingly hot sun,(I know, if you're in that rainy/snow belt, sorry), crawling things that freak us out and the killing machines known as coyotes who like to dine on bunnies at night. Our bedroom window faces the vast desert and mountains so we get great aural symphonies.

Did you know that bunnies sound like small kittens when they are dinner? It's not a pleasant sound to try to go to sleep with. You try it. You won't like it either.

Add that to this being a failed experiment in "fixing" my health the heat, dust and other conservative influences, intensifies a certain condition of mine and all is not well in Paradise, Arizona.


Call us geeks or whatever, but we want to be near our kids.....is that so odd? Well, that requires a lengthy explanation which will not be revealed here.

But we miss them mightily and since this region offers little comfort or financial reward (ha ha) we figure, let us be vagabonds once again.

Well, we moved a lot when we were first married (pre-kids) and aren't afraid of the great unknown. A tad worried about the real estate market, but that's not under our control. What are ya gonna do?

So we do this thing here, as best we can without turning into rats in a cage, and project our "intention" of a better life--in the Pacific Northwest. Any fingers you want to cross in our quest, we will be forever grateful. If we build it they will come......

So hurry up, next phase....

I Can't Wait to See What's Next....

Said a famous musician and probably lots of other people.

We're on the verge of "next" and I seriously can't wait to be there...

Of course being and next is a contradiction (sorta) but what are ya gonna do? We are here now, in this netherland of junctures. We have down the 3 corners and now we want to finish the board.

You know, to make it even.

Did New York (east)

Did Florida (south and scary red-neck)

Tucson (west, where "things and people come to die" said a certain philosopher-son)

So to round things off, we thought we'd hook up with the Pacific Northwest. It couldn't hoit.

I Knew He wouldn't Read It

Until I sent it to him.

But that's okay, we've been together so long I never expected he would pick it up on his own. Now we'll both have a larf and trust me, we both need it lately.

Major drama, pain activity idiot doctor non-visit visit. Big project of the day: securing a doc appointment... in NOVEMBER!?!?!?!

Yeah, this place is real good to its constituents.

Paging Dr. Nick!

So it's one of those days. It's still hard not to write for free, especially for the Hollywood site one which got decent play. Decent play and no pay.

But he's right--what's the point?

I finally have a reason, something to focus on, and the only thing that gets in the way is literally, my brain. And now that I feel a little better, I am sharing words with the few of you out there.

Words, words and words.

It goes on and the days melt and the sun is still scorching, desert creatures howling a lot at night. Creeping out poor Maggie (our pound rescue of about 12 or so years) who now won't walk in the woodsy (translation: cactusi) section in the back. She's smelling those coyotes I bet. Can't blame her....

We even think she's had it with this climate and boring existence. She keeps pulling out our little suitcases.....hmmmmmm. Is that a dog message?

Chow.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, not for us, but for Lew (the husb), because it's Canada's Thanksgiving and since he feels more Canadian that American, I wanted to see if he noticed I remembered. If he remembers to read this. If not, TFB for him.

So, the trail continues, the energy depletes and is temporarily restored. Being at one with lack of pain is a good place to be. As temporary as it might be.

For that I am grateful, and to a couple of new (but seem like forever) friends who have brought some comfort into this wandering girl's and boy's life.

So, I come not with a scowl but a purpose. When I discover exactly what that purpose is, you'll be the first blog to know. It's in me and gots to come out, according to a favorite blues lyric.

And while I am not paying myself for writing this, I promise not to write for free anymore on the Web. Scout's promise. If being a girl scout for 3 months grants me that option.

Yes to yes to yes to yes.

Desert Days

So on we go to the next strange adventures of the wandering Jews.....where we end up someone knows, but we're keeping our eye on you guys up north, despite past declarations of my love for non-wintry stuff.

At this point, I miss trees, grass, college weather and relief from a nagging persistent condition that won't let up. But other than that, everything's great! I'm doing my affirmations, (don't laugh) forgiving myself for who-knows-what (being imperfect maybe?) and loving my family.

I yearn for connection; this is a wonderful place if you like wildlife at your door and horrible crawly things that invade your space. I don't want to discuss that any further. But I miss a social connection that doesn't involve love of guns and cowboy boots and conservatives. I'm tolerant, but I draw the line at cowboy boots.

Maybe when we vacate to greener (literally) pastures.

Everything in life is only for now, and it will get better. It has to. Till next time. Same bat-time, same bat-channel.

What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

Does anyone ever really get this question? How can what you thought you were meant to do when you were in college, or even high school, somehow has lost its appeal?

When do you figure out that what you're spending so much time on is less than satisfying? I could never stand an office job, for example. I don't do well with fluorescent lights and time-clocks. So freelancing seems ideal.

But perspective is different than reality.

For me, someone with numerous stages and labels (writer, mother, part-time writer, philosophic existentialist) what is to be when the unknown is right around the corner?

Does anyone have any clue? Feel free to lend me some clues here, semblance of things great yet to come. If believing is seeing, according to Wayne Dyer, my latest virtual seer, then when will I believe?

Who knows? What are you gonna do? That's what my wiser, realistic, sturdy manly man of a husband tells me. He is my ballast.

What are you guys doing to keep a foothold on sanity?

Answers gratefully accepted.

And So It Goes...

As Kurt Vonnegut used to say....it goes weird these days. A limbo-land of WTF and help a brother out, as we take on yet another strange crossing over. Not that kind of crossing over.

Talking crossing over state lines. Again. Seems this Western experiment has run its course and we are preparing for "the next schlepp." Which means, re-evaluating the whole "life purpose" and mission statement. I always hated that term, "mission statement," but in this case it applies.

This is a period of great flux for so many, with the financial disaster, stress of pressing global, health and universal problems that make our own little discomforts shrink in comparison.

And yet, if happiness is the goal and discovering a true "mission" and purpose will clarify some of the murky waters, so be it. Let's do it!

Meanwhile, I've been obsessing over baseboard dust, awkward splats on walls and general maintenance of our little homestead, which we are about to offer up as our sacrifice for the great experiment.

The Great Experiment being that we transport ourselves to a more, uh, blue state with like-minded thinkers. Unfortunately, we are out-numbered here by gun-lovers, conservative philosophers and a desert that feeds on itself. And not in a good way.

We're tired of the creature-alerts, the dust, pollen and health-intruders that were expected to be benign and oh, so charming, but have revealed themselves to be self-centered and nasty.

Some simply love, love love this incessant sunshine and a couple of months of not-killer heat. If there was a purpose-driven reason to stay, fine. We'd stay.
But the impulse is to get out if and when we can, regardless of the ridiculous real estate market.

I feel the lure of progeny, the change of seasons, trees without thorns! And hopefully a mission that will come softly in a dream.....

And how's your day going?

October in the Desert

Sounds so lovely, the temperatures are starting to dip below 100 (whoopee!) and my "tolerance" for nasty creatures is settling into the, "Waddya gonna do?" mode.

This is a transition time for so many and maybe I'm simply a conduit expressing your pent-up anxiety. Or not. I could just be projecting.

To every thing there is a season. Except in Tucson, where it's either hellacious or not-as-hellacious. Some love this place, get their heads together and blossom somehow in this desolate land.

Me? Don't ask. I have been doing plenty of soul-searching since I have no marketable job skills to take up my time. And my soul is kinda lonely. For my kids, friends and a sense of community. Yes, there is beauty here, but the happiness factor eludes.

Not to be a downer, because it has to get better, am I right? Of course. Everything in life is for now, and soon we will be on the uptick again. Just got to find "it" that will help pull things together.

It's coming. Put away that scowl.
Thank you.